10 Things You Say to Yourself That Indicate You Need a Life Coach
Your life is much like a trek through a series of dynamic mountains — filled with peaks, valleys, and every level in between. There are moments when you feel like you’re on top of the world and nothing can stop you. There are stages where it seems as though you’ve hit rock bottom and there’s no way out. And there are other times where you find yourself somewhere in the middle of your journey, checking your compass in the hope that it leads you in the right direction.
Through the entire adventure you’ll invariably engage in conversations with yourself that provide you with navigation along the path. Sometimes those conversations are effortless and informative. Other times, you may find yourself uttering statements that go unanswered — or worse, making comments that lead you to self-defeating talk, pointing you in the wrong direction.
These are the moments when it’s beneficial to pivot to someone else in order to help you clear the cobwebs and debris that are standing in your way. Sometimes that person can be a friend or family member — it’s wonderful to have someone you can talk to about your adversities. But, frequently, those people have their own journeys to navigate, and/or aren’t equipped to handle the challenges you’re confronting. This is when it can be essential to enlist someone with a more experienced, and less biased, approach. A life coach can help you not only turn your “conversations” into actual dialogue, they can also give you valuable tools to help you map out your journey so the trail feels smoother.
Here are 10 things you might say to yourself during those internal conversations that indicate you could use a life coach:
1. “I Feel Lost”
When you’re confused and don’t know what to do with your life, sometimes you just need someone to point you in the right direction. Experiencing confusion and waywardness is an extremely helpless feeling that can spiral out of control if not addressed. A life coach can help you get back on track and find your sense of purpose. A skilled coach knows what questions to ask and what steps to take in order to help you feel whole again. Working with the right coach will get you excited about starting your new life journey.
2. “I Have No Confidence.”
Life can sometimes throw so much adversity at you that any of the confidence you once had gets eroded away. With no self-assurance, life can feel incredibly daunting, making it seem impossible to get back on track again. Working with a supportive coach will offer you opportunities to see your value. Everyone has the ability to live with confidence, but sometimes it just needs to be unearthed and lifted to the surface. Once you discover this new sense of confidence, you’re able to take your life in new and exciting directions.
3. “What Should I Do for a Living?”
Our careers take up such a big percentage of our lives that when we have a job that feels unfulfilling it can make all other aspects of our existence feel unsatisfactory. For many people it can seem almost impossible to figure out what they want to do for a living. And even if they do, the steps to get there can feel overwhelming. How do I leave my current job? How will I pay the bills? What if the new job doesn’t pan out? A talented coach will help you answer these questions. They’ll offer you steps to help you figure out where you want to devote your career energies, and give you a game plan in order to achieve those goals.
4. “How Do I Change My Perspective on Life?”
Dr. Wayne Dyer once said, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Life is remarkably nuanced, and there are a thousand different ways to look at any one given situation. Sometimes we get stuck in a rut that makes us view everything through the lens of negativity. A personal coach can help you change that perspective so that you start seeing the potential for opportunity in everything that happens in your life. With this new perspective, you begin to not only see things in a more positive way, but you also begin to attract those advantageous experiences.
5. “Why Can’t I Follow Through With Anything?”
Do you find yourself procrastinating and/or starting projects that never get finished? It’s a very common theme for people who are feeling lost or unmotivated in life. Feeling directionless leads to procrastination, and procrastination leads to more sensations of being adrift. It’s a perpetual cycle that can be hard to break. Hiring a life coach will help you to set goals and finish them. And when that begins to take place, you start to feel a fresh sense of hope. This, in turn, leads to more productivity, and the cycle begins to reverse itself in a new and positive direction.
6. “Why Is Dating So Hard?”
When your spiritual energy is negative and/or stuck, you begin to project that toxic energy onto those around you. Consequently, you end up pushing healthy matches away from you without even realizing it. Even worse, you begin attracting potentially harmful partners into your life. Working with a personal coach will help you change that negative energy into a positive one so that you begin attracting more of the people you deserve in your life. You’ll find that you’ll have to try less because those incredible people will be drawn to you as if you were a magnet. Healthy and successful people attract other healthy and successful people. You’ll discover that this shift in energy not only works for dating but for all the relationships in your life.
7. “How Do I Handle All This Stress?”
Let’s face it, we live in a world that has become more and more stressful every day. Divisive political viewpoints, world pandemics, work life, and familial tensions all contribute to making your life exhausting. This stress not only leads to poor health and mental angst, but also impaired instincts and bad decisions. A life coach will help you arrange your responsibilities and the overall challenges of life so that these pressures feel more manageable. When you feel like you can handle stress in a more effective and efficient way, life simply becomes a lot easier to manage. Consequently, you’ll possess the strength that helps you tackle anything that may come your way.
8. “How Do I Rediscover My Passion for Life?”
When you’re not feeling your best, it’s easy to lose your passion for life. The things that used to bring you excitement begin to feel bland and uninspiring. As a result, you begin to start wondering what you’re on this earth for in the first place. If you’ve lost your passion for life, a coach can help you rediscover it. An impassioned mentor will enable you to strip away the rust and find your luster and enthusiasm for life. They get you excited to wake up each day and embrace life’s adventures. Instead of going to bed dreading the next day, you’ll be eager to wake up the next morning to see what life has in store for you.
9. “Where Do I Even Begin?”
It’s quite common to feel as though you have some solid ideas of where you’d like to go in life but just have no idea where to start. It’s hard to reach the finish line when you don’t even know where the starting blocks are for the race. A skilled coach can help you discover not only what you want to do with your life, but where you begin in order to head in that direction. And once you achieve that solid start, your coach will help you stay on your path so that you can not only reach your goals but also enjoy the journey along the way.
10. “I Need an Objective Point of View.”
No matter how hard you try, it’s impossible to have an unbiased point of view of yourself. A life coach, however, has the advantage of being able to look at the whole picture from the outside and make objective observations. Think of it this way: you’re the earth and your coach is the amazing aerial view. When working with a perceptive coach, they’re able to point out things that you probably already know deep down inside but are simply unable to recognize. Sometimes, as they say, it’s hard to see the forest for the trees. An observant coach will help you recognize your strengths and weaknesses, allowing you to live at your greatest potential.
3 Simple Tools to Help You Handle the Fear of Public Speaking
There I was, performing onstage with Alec Baldwin at the American Airlines theatre in the most competitive and intimidating city in the world, New York, NY. Nearly one-thousand audience members were eagerly staring at us, waiting to be entertained. I had waited my entire career for this incredible moment, and though I was thrilled beyond belief at this amazing opportunity, I was also scared out of my friggin’ mind. What if I screw up and ruin everything for Mr. Baldwin and the rest of the cast? What if I flub a line and 740 people start laughing at me? What if I’m so awful, the theatre company decides to never hire me again?
I’d be willing to bet, since you clicked on this article, these types of thoughts run through your head when you’re required to speak in front of people too. No matter whether you’ve been asked to give a big presentation, prepare a pitch deck, or simply have a one-on-one with your boss, this anxiety has the unwelcome tendency to rear its ugly head.
Trust me, you are not alone. The fear of public speaking affects millions of people, in all kinds of circumstances. In fact, not only have you and I experienced this, but so has business magnate Warren Buffet, singer Adele, and actor Bill Hader. These are individuals whose actual job it is to be the center of attention in front of enormous audiences with high expectations. And yet, they, and many others like them, have still had to cope with stage fright.
The list of potential remedies for this problem is extensive. I’ve had clients tell me they’ve turned to therapists, Xanax, and even whiskey to help them overcome their fear of speaking in front of people. And though therapy may help you decipher the root of the problem, there’s still no guarantee you’ll cure yourself of the issue. And I certainly don’t recommend you use drugs to mask the problem.
I’m going to disclose something to you before you read any further. This article is not about overcoming performance anxiety. Not directly, at least. That’s because there is no silver bullet or magic pill that cures it. If someone tells you there is, you should probably run— unless they’re prescribing you drugs, they’re misleading you.
This article is, instead, designed to show you how overlooking a few essential foundational elements of communication could possibly lead to it.
Think of it this way: no matter how beautiful your house may be, if you have a weak foundation, the structure will eventually crumble. However, if you put the effort into building a solid infrastructure, that same house will be stable and secure. It will stand strong, no matter the formidable conditions.
Likewise, if you pay attention to the three fundamental elements I’m about to offer you, I can almost guarantee you’ll feel more secure about your ability to communicate skillfully. And with this sense of security, your fear will naturally begin to dissipate. The unease and apprehension will have less real estate to occupy. It will get boxed out by your composure and self-assurance.
In all honesty, your stage fright may never go away entirely. However, if you devote your energy towards laying some essential groundwork, you’ll spend more time feeling excited about your ability to communicate with skill and confidence. And, ultimately, you’ll squander less time noticing how sweaty your palms are getting.
1. Breathe, Dammit!
If I had a dollar for every time someone underestimated the importance of proper breathing, I’d be an insanely wealthy man. It’s a miracle cure when it comes to stress, and yet we still take it for granted. The mindfulness industry, which includes conscious breathing, is now a $1B line of business for a reason. Athletes, musicians, actors, and executives are all now understanding the importance of healthy breathing habits. Even the Navy SEALs (talk about a stressful job) spend copious amounts of time during their training working on, you guessed it, breathing. It’s a crucial part of our existence. But, because we can do it both voluntarily and involuntarily, people often ignore the importance of practicing it.
Breathing is one of the most basic functions of the human body. If done correctly, it can help you sleep better, digest food more efficiently, improve your body’s immune response, release powerful endorphins, and reduce stress levels. Every system in your body relies on oxygen. Breathing not only calms you down, it also gives you a greater sense of mental clarity. When you’re anxious, your heart rate speeds up and your body goes into fight or flight. While your nervous system is in this state, the last thing it’s trying to do is help you speak with clarity. It’s simply looking for a way to get the hell out of the situation.
Breathing is often the very first thing I work on with my clients. Doing it properly (according to very hard, scientific facts) will calm your nerves. My clients who embrace this knowledge from the start are invariably the ones who make the quickest progress with their jitters. It’s become an incredible prognosticator for me—better breathing equals a more relaxed mind and a better performance.
Download a breathing app and practice it every day. Or, better yet, take a yoga or meditation class. Then, when you start to feel your body tense up while speaking in front of people, you’ll be able to take a moment to remind yourself to breathe deeply and properly. Your body will know what to do next.
Just understand that breathing properly is not something that happens overnight. You’ll want to practice mindful breathing well before you’re in front of an audience so it’s easier to access this technique under pressure. If you don’t practice slowing your breath down when the pressure is at bay, what do you think is going to happen when the stress dial gets cranked up a few notches?
2. Stop Being So Self-Centered!
Does this sound harsh? Well, here’s the cold, hard truth: the reason you’re so nervous is because you’re worried about how you look. You’re concerned about whether or not your listeners will think you’re smart and well-informed. You’re focused on your delivery and your reputation. It’s all about you, you, you.
Guess what? Your pitch, presentation, or meeting isn’t about you. It’s about your listeners and what you want to offer them. The more you focus on that, the less room there is to be preoccupied with yourself and your anxiety.
Before your speaking engagement, you need to figure out exactly who your audience is and what they need to know, and then point your message preparation in that direction with laser focus. Write it down and then keep questioning the potential impact of it. Share it with friends and colleagues and then tweak and sharpen it until there’s no question in your mind it is bulletproof.
A strong objective gives you a goal to passionately strive towards, and will be your driving force as you communicate. It will bring your message to life and offers you clear direction and something to set your mind on, other than your nerves.
Once you’re in front of your audience, pursue this objective with relentless zeal. Don’t ever take your eyes off of it. When the nerves kick in, direct your attention back to your objective. Be stubborn and strong-willed about it, and keep aiming for that goal line. Objectives are the driving forces behind everything we do as human beings. They should also be the primary impetus behind your message.
Without this crystal clear intention, it’s only natural your mind will begin to wander into areas of self-consciousness. When you don’t give your mind something powerful to focus on, it will desperately search for something else to attach itself to. And, by nature, the human mind looks for problems when it doesn’t have anything else to do. It’s an instinct that’s hardwired in us.
The added benefit of a rock-solid message is how truly effective your communication skills will be as a result. It’s remarkable how much more powerful a pitch, presentation, or even a conversation is with an intentional message than without one. Setting a robust intention focuses energy, attention, and action. It stimulates the need to act and leads naturally into moving from aimless meandering to illuminating discovery. And, ultimately, a strong objective/intention that is pursued with passion and vigor will lead to less sweaty brows and clammy palms.
3. Expect the Best But Prepare For the Worst
Mistakes are going to happen. You’re going to say the wrong words. The PowerPoint display is going to be glitchy. Someone is going to have a coughing fit in the middle of the most important part of your delivery. Make sure you’re ready for anything that might be thrown in your path. This way, when you do encounter it, you’ll be able to handle it with aplomb.
One of the great advantages of preparing for the worst is, on the chance something challenging does come up, it won’t feel so damn fatalistic. No doubt, to reach your aspirations you need an unflinchingly positive attitude and a supreme belief that you can, and will, be great. However, another essential mindset is being prepared for obstacles that could potentially pop up on your quest for success.
This may seem like a cynical point of view. After all, aren’t we supposed to have an undying belief that we can achieve whatever we want, no matter what’s in our way? The book The Secret will tell you that if you envision a positive outcome, it will undoubtedly happen. Well, if that were entirely true, we’d have a world chock-full of very wealthy, successful, and infallible people.
It’s equally important to realize that we will, undoubtedly, come across challenges in everything we do. This includes communicating with others. With a concrete plan in place, though, these hiccups can be overcome with much more ease and effortlessness. Prepping for the worst-case scenario will make you feel grounded and prepared, and minimizes the fears and anxieties that can naturally surface when we’re speaking in front of an intimidating audience.
So, prepare for questions that might otherwise throw you off. Have a colleague or friend ask you unscripted inquiries so that, on the day, you’re ready to handle them. Wing your delivery without the PowerPoint, just in case you lose connectivity during your pitch. Have your spouse sigh, squirm, and even give you surly looks to mimic that potential grump who shows up at the meeting. Think about the worst that could possibly happen, and then think about your most adept reaction. Doing this has the effect of minimizing fear, which can increase your composure come performance time.
Introduce these three key points of focus into your work and I’d be willing to bet the bank your fear of public speaking will begin to wane.
I know this to be true because I’ve experienced it firsthand. While I was nervously standing on that stage with Mr. Baldwin, I stopped myself and went through a quick checklist in my head. Was I breathing calmly and deeply? Yes. Did I have a crystal-clear objective? You betcha. Did I have a positive mindset that was also ready for potential mistakes? Absolutely. Once I felt secure in these realizations, my heart rate slowed down and my mind stopped racing. I began to feel excitement and peace of mind. I was about to perform in front of a huge theatre full of people, and I was poised and ready to go.
How to Connect With Your Audience in a Powerful Way
San Diego’s top public speaking expert, Cobey Mandarino, explores The Power of Connection in business, team, and small group communication.
How important is connection to you when communicating with other people? When you go into your doctor’s office to tell them you’ve been dealing with a mysterious health issue, how connected would you like them to be as they give you their prognosis? How about when you’re chatting with your financial advisor about an important investment decision? Do you want them to be completely present and engaged with you, or would you rather they just give you their advice by rote?
We often take for granted the importance of connection when we’re pitching to investors, presenting at a public speaking engagement, or simply in a company meeting. If we’re good at what we do, we’ll rely on our intelligence and how much we’ve prepared. But far too often when we pass our knowledge and know-how on to others, we miss one of the most important parts of business or team communication. That being connection.
In preparing for, let’s say, a pitch deck, you may have conducted heaps of research and put together a splashy PowerPoint that would make your mom proud. However, if you’re not genuinely connecting, you’re going to lose a lot of listeners in the process. No one says you have to win over every single person in the room. In fact, depending on the size of the crowd, there’s a fair chance you might not. There’s nearly always going to be someone who is “out to lunch”, and there is only so much you can do for the person who’s been ready to leave the room ever since they entered. However, if there’s at least one individual in your audience who is ready to connect, it’s to your advantage to provide that synapse for them. They came to learn, they’re emotionally present, they want to connect. Therefore you must be ready to coalesce too.
Why is Connection Important?
Connection is more than just speaking the words and having others hear and understand them. It goes to a deeper level. When you connect, you inspire people. You motivate them to buy-in to what you’re pitching. It’s the difference between being acknowledged for doing a “good job” and getting top-notch investors excited to be a part of your project.
So how do you connect? Oftentimes it’s as simple as merely setting that intention before you begin. It’s something we often take for granted, but we set intentions in just about everything we do. Think of this analogy: how does the milk that you buy get into your refrigerator? You go to the grocery store, take the milk off the shelf, pay for it, and then drive it home. But what made you go to the store in the first place? You set the intention. You said to yourself, “I need milk”, and so you went and did it. And though you may not be consciously aware of it, you kept that intention throughout your task. It’s why you picked up the milk instead of, say, detouring to grab a burger at In-N-Out.
Dairy acquisition is easy though. Typically, you don’t have to keep reminding yourself to pick up the 2% while you’re on your trip to the grocery store. However, when you’re presenting a business idea to colleagues or potential clients, it may be a little more challenging. There are countless stress factors involved that may distract you from remembering to stay connected. Did I do enough research? Are people listening? Do I have something on my face? Therefore, you have to consistently remind yourself to stay in the moment and connect.
Practice Connecting With an Audience
It takes practice. Think about the milk analogy. Staying on task comes easily because you’ve done it so many times. However, connecting may be something that isn’t in your usual repertoire. Therefore, you need to practice it every day. Train yourself with as many people you come in contact with throughout the week. Practice it with your kids. Children have an amazing ability to live in the present moment. Though it may be fleeting, they’re constantly connecting because they don’t have a lot of life history to bog them down, while also not having many responsibilities that keep their mind stuck in the future. Practice with them and notice how well you can connect with them moment to moment.
No children? Rehearse with your therapist. I’m of the belief that a therapist is not hired simply to listen to your problems. Hopefully you’ve retained their services to also allow you to tune-up on being your best self. Get the most out of that $200 per hour session. Utilize them to practice connection. And if you absolutely do need to dish your dirt to them, do it with the intention of connecting with them simultaneously.
No children, no therapist? No problem. Try it out with your friends, or even the grocery store clerk. You don’t even have to tell them it’s happening. Just be present and make an effort to connect. If you practice connecting on a daily basis, it’ll be that much easier when you’re presenting in front of a thousand intimidating faces. Would Michael Jordan have been as dominating if he didn’t shoot 500 jump shots a day in practice? Not likely.
Need more reason to connect? It’s been scientifically proven that connecting with others lowers your tendency towards depression while simultaneously heightening your self-esteem. The sense of human connection is primal and is a fundamental human need. There’s a reason we have traveled in tribes since the dawn of humankind. So, set your intention, put yourself out there, and connect.